I recently lost a friend of mine to anti-vaccine propaganda. For most of her life, Cayla had been a pretty staunch Democrat. She loved music and concerts, had a distaste for the police, and loathed Trump with a fiery passion. But once she moved to Florida, those views of hers began to shift.
Once the pandemic had arrived, those beliefs that Cayla held had been supplanted almost entirely by anti-mask and anti-vaccine propaganda. As months continued to pass and the lockdown continued to extend, it only grew worse. After a couple of months, it got to the point where nearly the only presence that she had on social media was to “let the people know they’re being lied to by the government.”
As a life-long skeptic of government and authority myself, it’s not something that I could fully blame her for. I could see how everybody suddenly staying indoors and demonizing each other over their vaccination status was far too great of a transition for many to make proper sense of.
And when the government has lied in the past about these sorts of important health issues, as with the Tuskegee Syphilis Study, it has only managed to heighten some of the cynicism that people have had around these vaccines.
Early on in the pandemic, though, I tried talking to Cayla about some of the things that she was posting online about the vaccine. As her rhetoric grew increasingly intense, it grew harder and harder for me to ignore. One day, she posted that if anyone even so much as attended an event that required vaccines at the door that she no longer wanted them in her life. So I decided to press into the issue a little.
Below are excerpts from text conversations that we had
“As someone who actually got pretty bad side effects when I got vaccinated I can definitely see why people are skeptical of it,” I explained. I tried my best to qualify her position, because really, I fully understood where she was coming from.
“I do feel as though vaccines are the way out of this pandemic though. You’re saying you think that someone proving their vaccination status to go to a concert or something is worth removing them from your life entirely?” I inquired.
“Yes because this is a war on the people. It isn’t just about showing proof. It’s about a political agenda that is altering human perception. Why isn’t chemo free? Why isn’t insulin free? Why are they blasting this vaccine all over and controlling the choices of Americans? There is an agenda that is truly evil and sadly the majority of the people think is fake but they will see the truth, but it will be too late.”
Again, as a cynic of government, I understood where she was coming from and I agreed with her that insulin should be free — or at least far, far cheaper. But how exactly this tied into her vaccine stance I didn’t quite follow.
“Look into project blue beam, new world order, there is so much beyond our control. What is in my control is my choice and perception of everything, which is I think this is disgustingly evil. A bunch of old white power-hungry demons control everything,” she continued.
The fringe thinking behind the anti-vaccine movement is often rooted in ideas that are both sane and true; the ideology didn’t emerge for no reason. It’s in the conclusions drawn from those ideas, though, where the dangers begin to surface.
The notion that our authorities can’t be trusted isn’t all that extreme in itself. Cayla wasn’t wrong there. There was a time when even cigarettes and cocaine were marketed to people as healthy. We’ve been given our fair share of reasons to doubt authority over the years; the hesitancy around vaccines may not be as baseless as it’s often reported.
But even so, vaccines do work. They helped us to eradicate polio and smallpox. Through wide-scale vaccination programs, we’ve eliminated so many of the diseases that nearly brought humanity to its knees.
As this new wave of vaccine skepticism has emerged, it’s brought with it the return of many of the diseases that we thought we’d already left behind as a species. From polio to RSV to measles, people are now on guard for diseases that haven’t been a cause for concern in decades.
As Cayla and I continued to speak that day, she stepped back from the stance that vaccinated people don’t deserve her friendship at all. For months afterward, though, we judiciously avoided the subject of vaccines and politics.
But one day nearly a year later, she sent me a couple of posts. The first read, “You gave them 15 days, they took 18 months of your life. You complied w/ masks- they wanted a shot. You complied w/ shots- they wanted a booster. What you didn’t know was every time you complied w/ tyranny you gave away part of your soul, & this won’t end until you say it does,” the post read. I was a little unsure how to respond at first.
“I don’t really agree that getting vaccinated was selling my soul in the same way that most other aspects of society do for me. I feel safer for having gotten vaccinated and the death/hospitalization numbers clearly indicate these vaccines are effective. Seriously, I think our phones are objectively bigger breaches of our freedom. We don’t talk about how violating it was when we ended small pox and polio through widespread vaccination.”
I explained, struggling to hide my annoyance with her thinking.
“I think what she means by soul is your mind, your choice, your freedom.”
“But 99% of the people still dying are unvaccinated, I feel like getting vaccinated actually gave me peace of mind.”
“Do you truly believe that? Do you really believe the numbers and what they are telling you?”
“What do you think the numbers are?” I asked pointedly. “I trust medical experts on medical issues. Polio ravaged the country before we eliminated it entirely with vaccines. We don’t talk about what a breach of freedom that was. Why are these vaccines different?”
“I have to go to bed Ben, I love you and don’t want to lose you over this! Totally not worth it,” she concluded and I was happy to hear it. Even though we kept our conversation as cordial as we could, it was difficult to conceal the disdain in some of our words.
The next I heard from that account, it had been co-opted by a bitcoin scammer. Whether this had anything to do with the fringe websites that she’d begun to frequent, I can’t be sure, but I have my suspicions.
Shortly afterward, she made a new account. After our last conversation though, the subject of vaccines and politics still hardly felt worth addressing. So we spoke sporadically and innocuously over the next year about issues of little consequence.
A few days ago, though, I noticed that she’d suddenly blocked my account. So I decided to text her. “Hey, did you block me? I couldn’t find your account just now. Hope you’re doing okay!”
“Ryan?” she replied. Apparently, I wasn’t the only friend that she’d just blocked.
“It’s Ben.”
“Yeah Ben I love you dude but pick the truth,” she said. Our last conversation had only been about dreams, so I was a little unsure what she was even referring to here.
“Pick the truth? The last thing I said to you wasn’t even anything political. I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
“The vaccine was a bio weapon, and there’s a lot turning right now, I highly suggest you do your research and prepare so you are self-sufficient. I care about you however I cannot afford to waste my energy on people that don’t think like me. I cannot waste any more time trying to convince people. If you want the truth I will give you the truth but I’m not doing any convincing.”
The statement read like an ultimatum.
“I’ve told you before that I understand why people are skeptical of the vaccines. I’m really not following what would cause you to block me suddenly over something we haven’t even talked about in months,” I replied.
At this point, she called me on the phone. It was the first time we’d talked in nearly a year and, from the moment I picked up, it was clear that she was in an agitated state. She began a long-winded rant about the deep state and our losses of rights before asking me if she could send me a couple of videos for me to look over. “Sure,” I said.
She sent me two videos from Project Veritas which purported to show a Pfizer executive admitting to mutating the Covid-19 virus. Truthfully, what I saw in the video was enough to raise eyebrows for me at a few points. Until I began doing a little research, it seemed like one of the most compelling arguments that I’d seen against these vaccines and drug companies yet.
But as I began searching around online a little, it quickly became clear that this purported Pfizer executive likely didn’t even work for the company at all. In fact, it was difficult to get any ID at all for the man who appeared in the two videos. I sent her a Forbes article that coherently debunked what she had been telling me, but I tried my best still to be understanding.
“I’m curious to see where this goes, but right now it doesn’t seem like anyone can quite confirm that that person actually works at Pfizer. I’m extremely cynical about these drug companies too, but even if everything this video is alleging is true it wouldn’t convince me that i’m not safer off having gotten my Moderna vaccine.”
I included with my statement another link about the vaccine’s efficacy.
“I’d still love to talk, but I’d appreciate it if you were able to read over those first,” I continued.
“I did, it’s trash Ben,” she replied, having given herself an approximate three minutes to read the two ten-minute-long articles.
“So can you prove to me then that that person works at Pfizer? Because I couldn’t find documentation of that.”
“It’s all at project veritas and in the video, pause to read the documents.”
“I did, I searched his job title and it turned up nothing. Forbes isn’t even left-leaning and they found the same. The other source I sent you was just medical and completely non-politically affiliated. It’s hard to imagine how you could look over that and simply know that it’s bs,” I say, trying again to power through my frustration before deciding to just go ahead and give her a call. But she doesn’t pick up. So I send another follow-up message.
“I took the time to watch both of those videos and I definitely understand how they justify some of your cynicism. I’m not really feeling as though you could have read both of those and been able to debunk them in the few minutes you had to read them. I’d love if you could look into the other side a bit more, too. There’s a lot of reason to be skeptical of these companies but a whole lot of good science that supports the effectiveness of these vaccines. Give me a call back when you get the chance, I definitely think we can talk this through without it turning into anything hostile.”
Whether I actually believed that I’m not totally sure, but I never got that callback. The following day, I saw that she blocked my phone number, too.
A few years ago, it would have been difficult to imagine losing friends over politics. The notion that a disagreement over vaccine status would be worth losing a friend is something that’s still strange for me to come to terms with. Cayla and I had been friends for nearly a decade. That it would end now so arbitrarily over something so seemingly small is pretty absurd.
But as a pandemic has ravaged the world, these disagreements over vaccines have grown into something new entirely. Even while I understand so many of the reasons for the anti-vaccine movement, the fact remains that the refusal to get inoculated is still a decision that endangers all of us. It’s no longer a simple political disagreement.
Back in high school, I remember when we lightly debated in my English class whether it was appropriate for schools to mandate vaccines for students. It was impossible to imagine then the ways that that debate would evolve over time. What felt like an issue of little import to any of us has expanded into one of the great divides of our time.
As we continue to sink deeper and deeper into our social media algorithms, it grows harder for each of us to critically examine the world views that we fall into. These apps have grown to understand us so well that they effectively keep us mired in our pre-held thoughts, beliefs, and paranoias. When they see us engaging with anti-vaccine content, they know to deliver us more of it. When they see that we’ve liked a QAnon post, they streamline us down a dubious new rabbit hole.
When we voice privately with friends that we’re discouraged by some of the more extreme components of “cancel culture,” these apps and their algorithms bring Andrew Tate to our digital doorsteps. (This happened to me last week, true story.)
These days, it’s not always difficult to trace where the changes in our thinking occur. We live in a world of targeted ads, listening phones, and artificial intelligence. Sometimes, just opening an app can change the very way that you look at the world. Within the internet is the potential to learn anything within seconds just about anywhere. But just as the internet is the greatest purveyor of information that humans have ever conceived of, it holds within it the potential to destroy us.
Never before has it been possible for misinformation to spread so quickly and the dire, branching implications of that fact present enormous challenges going forward.
The momentum that the anti-vaccine movement has been able to gain is a direct outgrowth of a system that could never have been conceived of throughout most of our species’ history. That QAnon was able to grow into what it was with no evidence for its claims is no random coincidence. These digital lives we’re all leading have potentiated these divisions we’re all now facing.
Without the internet, misinformation would have no avenue to travel the world so thoroughly and so unchecked. The hesitancy around vaccines stems directly from an issue that will be nearly impossible to solve. We’re each so entrenched in our beliefs that being given the facts isn’t always possible and isn’t always enough.
To the untrained eye, information and misinformation can be challenging to differentiate. Even to the trained eye, misinformation isn’t always easy to identify. And as misinformation grows increasingly adept at disguising itself, it leaves humanity in a precarious spot.
I fear for the next pandemic and I miss my old friend.