The Super-Duper-Ultra-Rare Sort of Almost Pinkish Moon Disappoints Civilians Again
Crowd gathers in anticipation of once in a lifetime lunar event, but moon has other plans
In the heart of New York City, an eager crowd gathered in anticipation of the much-hyped Super-Duper-Ultra-Rare Pinkish Moon. From mothers and children to astronomers and moon costume-clad fanatics, hopes for the evening were high.
But as the night wore on, it became increasingly evident that the celestial event was, well, more or less the same as any other night.
Local enthusiast, Jenny Sorkin, had set up a makeshift picnic, complete with Dollar General-purchased mood lighting. “I cleared my entire week for this,” she explained with a San Francisco-flavored sigh, passing out herbal pink lemonade to anyone willing to share her sorrow. “I was hoping for at least a hint of coral, maybe a dash of blush, but all I see is moon. This is almost as bad as the time I drove crosscountry for the Almost a Little Bit Green Glowing Moon!” she concluded before breaking into sobs.
Bystander Tim Horwath, squinting skyward, remarked, “Is it — is it bigger? Or am I just standing closer than I was yesterday?”
“I knew we should’ve just gone to see Jurassic Park 3D instead,” said his friend Mike, a few feet to the right, face to palm.
The anticipation surrounding the Pinkish Moon phenomenon reached a fever pitch thanks to an onslaught of sensational articles, social media posts, and a TikTok “Moon Blindness Challenge” that went inexplicably viral.
“The moon was supposed to be so large you couldn’t miss it! I saw it on the Internet!” commented local mother, Sarah, who’d read about the “Superly Cool Tie-Dye Orange Green Moon” online. It didn’t even matter there wasn’t a consensus on what color the moon was supposed to be.
“I’m so glad I could bring the kids and wife out for the Purple Blood Family Funtime Moon!” explained father Dan Cohen, still struggling to accept the reality of an utterly normal moon overhead. One of his children appeared to be playing with his Nintendo DS, while the other looked up at him with doughy eyes and asked earnestly, “Dad, can we go home yet?”
As the evening closed, the disappointment in the air was palpable. But one local unnamed optimist offered some perspective. “Hey, at least we’re all out here together, sharing this kinda-more-special-than-average moment. There’s beauty in that, right?”
As social media rumorists and astronomy hyperbolists across the world laughed, and the .00003% pinker than average moon solemnly set over the horizon, people had clearly learned their lesson. But others still weren’t so sure.
“So are we still meeting up next month for the Quantum Quasar Galactic Glittering Guacamole Moon?” asked another resident with palpable excitement, equipped with popcorn, and wearing shades that appeared to be rose-tinted.